My article on my core french fry-related beliefs got the most attention of anything I’ve written for this website (not to mention a complimentary order of my favorite fries). America loves a sequel! So here are my completely unpopular opinions on french toast.
For starters, french toast is a foodstuff with great emotional resonance to me. My maternal grandmother made amazing french toast for me (and all of her grandkids) whenever we visited. So from as far back as I can remember, her french toast is the definitive preparation. This means two things: One, when I have french toast coming anywhere near Grandma Mason’s recipe, it is a delicious and nostalgic experience. Two, french toast is usually a bitter disappointment.
So let’s dissect the many ways french toast can go South so fast (“A Million Ways To Die In The West” we salute you):
The Bread: It should be white. Or maybe Italian. None of this Texas Toast/sourdough/chiabatta tomfoolery. I didn’t order cake, I ordered french toast.
The Ingredients: Bread soaked in egg then griddled. The end. (Okay, maybe a little milk with the egg.) If you even look at your spice rack you have already failed. No cinnamon, no nutmeg, no vanilla, no no no no no! 1. Egg 2. Bread 3. Refer to #s 1 and 2.
If this seems needlessly harsh or restrictive, you really should re-read the french fry article. I have the palate of a 12-year-old. I like simple food because I am a simpleton.
Serving Suggestion: Serve french toast with butter and….okay, I’m not going to apologize for this, but most of the time I eat french toast with sugar for dipping the pieces. Not powdered sugar…just ordinary table sugar. I am aware this is not typical. I have been heckled by some of my closest friends for eating french toast this way. But that’s how Grandma served it to us. (My conspiracy theory is that a little bit of sugar on the plate was less messy than maple syrup–less mess is of vital importance when feeding children.)
As I said earlier, french toast is so beautiful in its golden simplicity…yet so hard to get in a restaurant without egregious gilding of the lily. Thick, cakey bread..terminal spicing…a thick coating of powdered sugar…but sometimes, when you order french toast, you get plain, simple, wonderful french toast. I got it at a coffee shop in a casino in Las Vegas. It might have been the highlight of that particular trip had Penn and Teller not been so entertaining.
Thus concludes the sharing of my unpopular french toast opinions.