Ten TV Theme Songs “Rolling Stone” Missed

So, Rolling Stone did an article listing, in their editors’ opinions, the 100 Greatest TV Theme Songs Of All Times.

Two notes before moving further: One, these lists are generally designed to spark debate and conversation about what was included, what was not, what shoulda been, etc. So I am but a cog in the grinding machine of publicity for Rolling Stone. It’s a hip little magazine, hopefully people catch on to it.

Second, I mean…honestly…they did a pretty darn good job. The great classics are (almost) all there, there’s some unique and interesting choices…and most importantly, the twin masterworks of Sherwood Schwartz are given a Top 5 placement, as they should be.

But!

Their list of 100 contains a lot of newer (post-2000, let’s say) themes in which I have zero interest. For this list to cover the entire span of years, certain truly classic themes got the shaft. In many cases it seemed like one theme was on the list in representation of several others by the same production team. In other cases, perhaps the Rolling Stone editors were just too hip to allow certain themes.

Whatever the reason, I–your friendly neighborhood blogger, old Wenty–am going to rectify this with my list of the 10 Themes That Should Have Been On Rolling Stone’s List. Selections for this list have been made by the Wentyworld.com editorial board. Me.

The Facts Of Life. How this is not on the list absolutely stuns me. RS did include the “Diff’rent Strokes” theme which, like “Facts”, was written by Alan Thicke and his then-wife Gloria Loring. I believe “Facts” should have made the list because it had a longer run than “Strokes”, and because it seems to have a healthier afterlife than the other series, which–with its “rich white guy rescues two black kids from the projects” premise may be a difficult sale to modern audiences. Also, the theme was refreshed as time marched on…

Petticoat Junction. The Rolling Stone list includes “Green Acres”, which I must say is one of the all-time great themes. My Aunt Kim and I can sing that sucker like nobody’s business. But you gotta show respect for Petticoat Junction. The series itself is the most sedate of the Paul Henning rural comedies. “Beverly Hillbillies” and “Acres” go for the big goofy laughs with lots of visual comedy and kooky characters. “Petticoat Junction” has a quieter approach, which the theme song establishes beautifully with one of the greatest TV theme lyrics ever: “And that’s Uncle Joe, he’s’a movin’ kinda slow at the Junction.”

Perfect Strangers. Again, the Rolling Stone list includes “Full House” and indicates that some editors fought for “Strangers” instead. They’re both great theme songs.

Hart To Hart. Some TV themes are known as much for the spoken word as for the music. A great example is “Dragnet”, which makes Rolling Stone’s list. In addition to the iconic 4-note sequence (dum-da-dum-dum!) there is George Fenneman’s intro: “Ladies and gentlemen, the story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.”

With “Hart To Hart”, it’s gravel-voiced Lionel Stander as the Harts’ butler Max, introducing viewers to Jonathan and Jennifer. “When they met….it was moider!“

Newhart. The legendary Henry Mancini is included on Rolling Stone’s list as composer of “Peter Gunn.” But he also composed the theme song for “Newhart”, Bob Newhart’s second situation comedy. Newhart plays Dick Loudon, a writer of how-to books and a proprietor, with his wife, of the Stratford Inn. The Mancini theme is a beautiful, dignified piece of music that simultaneously evokes the scenery of New England and the quiet, tentative Newhart style.

The Bugs Bunny Show. (Later known as “The Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Show”, “The Bugs Bunny and Tweety Show.”) There was room on Rolling Stone’s list for “The Flintstones” and “Spongebob Squarepants”, but not this all-time classic!? Besides having one of the catchiest theme songs of any show, animated or not, this piece of animation with this theme song was seen on network television week-in, week-out, from the mid-60s through 2000. And the “This Is It” opening now airs every Saturday morning on MeTV as part of their block of Looney Tunes. That kind of longevity is hard to beat.

The Carol Burnett Show. I imagine it is hard for the Rolling Stone editors to even think of variety shows as a category for TV theme songs because, well, they ain’t around no more. Save for “Saturday Night Live.” Anyway, in their heyday variety shows had known and loved themes. Red Skelton’s “Holiday For Strings”, Gleason’s “Melancholy Serenade”, Jack Benny’s “Love In Bloom”. The best-known, however, had to be “I’m So Glad We Had This Time Together.” The song was played in the opening part of the show, in a variety of up-tempo arrangements over the years. But the real treat was to hear Carol sing it at the conclusion of each episode, always with that famous tug on the ear for her Grandmother. The clip I’m using here is from the final episde of “The Carol Burnett Show”, and includes the entire song; Carol would usually stop after the first verse.

Silver Spoons. Yes, it’s another cheesy 80’s comedy. But there are a lot of them on the Rolling Stone list too. The theme song, performed by Ron Dante of “The Archies” fame, is as warmhearted and reassuring as the ending of every episode of “Silver Spoons.” Except the one where Kate’s plane crashed and they had to spend Thanksgiving on an island. That was a 2-parter. (I am not proud of my deep knowledge of “Silver Spoons”, but nor do I deny it.)

ABC’s Wide World Of Sports. “The thrill of victory…and the agony of defeat!” You can hear Jim McKay saying it. (If you can’t, check out the video.) The theme for ABC’s weekend sports anthology series was composed by Charles Fox, who also composed great theme songs for “Love American Style”, “The Love Boat”, “Happy Days” and dozens more.

The Heights. Okay, this one is just for fun. Being a disc jockey, I love interesting bits of trivia about music.

So, “The Heights”, a television series about a rock band trying to make it big, was placed on the Fox network’s Fall 1992 schedule. Remember, this is when Fox was….not great. In terms of hit shows you’re looking at “The Simpsons” (by that time moved to Thursday nights in a gutsy gambit to dethrone Bill Cosby) and “Married With Children.”

The show’s theme song, “How Do You Talk To An Angel”, was released as a single shortly after the series premiered. The single, credited to “The Heights” with lead vocals by series actor Jamie Walters, made huge footprints on the Billboard chart and music history itself. Wikipedia sez:

[“Angel”] was the first song from a television show to top the Hot 100 since 1985, as well as the first song by a fictional band to top the Hot 100 since 1969. The Heights premiered on August 27, 1992, to low ratings, and never gained a substantial audience. Fox canceled the series less than a week after the theme song fell from the number one spot.

And the countdown continues…