In 1998, when I was applying for the position of FM Programming Coordinator at KCOW/Double Q Country, I wrote in my application letter that I could write a 30-second commercial in 30 seconds.
This falls under the category of youthful hubris, and/or “Don’t let your mouth write checks your butt can’t cash.” But the truth is, I am a damn fast writer. Many a time over the years I have aided our sales team by writing a commercial lickety-split. Sometimes more than one. Sometimes twelve.
Now, to be clear, these twelve commercials (for Bloedorn Lumber Alliance) required the talents of Bob S. Bestos and me. First, Bob was out of office. Then I was out of office. FInally, we both were in office and–after a gentle kick in the pants from the account executive who had been waiting ever-so-patiently– I wrote twelve commercials.
If you ever find yourself in this particular conundrum (and honestly, who reading this would?) here are my suggestions.
-Use a “donut” structure. In radio when we say “donut” we’re talking about a commercial with a “hole” in the middle. This is usually when there’s a singing jingle at the beginning and the end. But in the case of these Bloedorn Lumber spots, the hole in the donut is where we place the “deal of the day”.
Oh, and yes, of course, we use the other definition of “donut” in the radio business. Frequently. Whenever possible.
Use A Running Gag. A running gag gives you two great assets. One, you know where your funny is coming from in each of the commercials. And two, each time people hear the commercial there’s a surprise element. Kind of like Gonzo’s spot on “The Muppet Show”.
-Have Kalin Krohe At Your Disposal. Kalin (who, as long as the kids are in bed, we can admit is the voice of Bob S. Bestos) is my secret weapon in the production of (one hopes) funny commercials. He ad-libs, throws things in, but always delivers.
So here are 12 commercials for Bloedorn’s 12 Days Of Deals. (A Wentyworld Sneak Preview!) I don’t expect you to listen to all 12. Hopefully you’re a KCOW listener and you’ll hear all 12 over time.