Sometimes you write things that you know are only funny to you. Sometimes you write things that are tacky and silly. Sometimes you write very specific parodies that are by their nature inaccessible to most people because they are not familiar with the object of parody.
And sometimes, you check all the marks and get Bingo.
HOST: ( music swells up) The Churchy Hour. Bringing church…to your house.
(music up)
HOST: Today Pastor K.K. Darol talks about the challenge of sin.
KK: Good sweet hopped up Jeeeeezzzus! Sin is lurking in the shadows night and day!
HOST: All that and more coming up. (music out) Hi, I’m Mark Patrick. The Churchy Hour is heard in all 50 states and around the world via Armed Forces radio. You can also download our weekly program at www dot jesus dot christ.
And now, Pastor K.K. Darol with today’s message: “The Challenge Of Sin”, part 27 in our 30-part series, “The Sinners.” Now….Pastor Darol.
KK: The Lord Jeeeeezzzzzus Christ died for our sins. Not my sins, not your sins, not the sins of the recording engineer who falls asleep about halfway through my message (SFX: faint snore)! No sirree Moses! He died for ouuuuuuuuuuuurrrrr sins. Everybody can be saved. But of course this doesn’t mean you own a “get out of sin free” card. No sir!
Our goal as Christians is to lead a good life, a life of kind thoughts, noble deeds, and ham suppers. But the poe-tent-chual for sin is all around us. (long pause, then yelling) Good sweet hopped up Jeeeeezzzus! (SFX: Engineer falls off chair, piles of tapes clank around) Sin is lurking in the shadows night and day!
Friends, take the day I have had today.
When I woke up this morning my wife served me cold cereal for breakfast instead of the usual bacon and eggs. Was I angry, you bet! I wanted to throw those Rice Krispies in her face, and hit her in the head with a frying pan! But that, dear brothers and sisters, is a sin. Heck, it might even be one of the seven deadlies. If I had my bible with me I could look that up HOWEVER! After a weekend of particularly messy communion services I sent my bible out to be dry cleaned. I told my assistant to pick it up today…but he did not. This angered me so I very nearly used the Lord’s name in vain multiple times. I also came very close to using the office stapler gun in vain. But I knew those were both sins. And so I moved on.
And then, for lunch, the Dairy Queen forgot not just the salt….but also the ketchup for my french fried potatoes. And friends, this is where I weakened. We record this program in the Florida Everglades, and so when I got back to the office and noticed the lack of salt and ketchup, I ran out the door, drove to the lake, fished out a gator, drove to that DQ drive thru lane and thrust that gator through the open window! I am ashamed of that wicked, wicked sin on my part. On the other hand does it not say in the good book, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.
I guess what I’m saying here is 2 out of 3 ain’t bad. We should tryyyyyy to avoid sin, but when a sin is committed, we are reassured by the protection of our savior the Lord Jesus Christ.
Let us pray. Father God, we know that protection from sin is not like a candy dish at the bank. We can’t keep swiping the Tootsie Rolls of sin despite the fact that Jesus the bank teller probably isn’t gonna say anything if we do.
Amen.
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HOST: You’re listening to The Churchy Hour, a weekly 8 minute featurette from the Church of Sweet Gentle Jesus. Pastor Darol is with us, and Pastor I have a letter here from Mr. Phil Pungent of Crete, Nebraska. He writes, “I’m suffering a crisis of faith after my Uncle Skippy perished in a fire at the local whorehouse. Why do bad things happen to good people?”
KK: Hoo….well, the Lord works in mysterious ways. I do believe that house of ill repute burning to the ground was the Lord’s work….and frankly, your Uncle was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
HOST: Janet Ray of Fort Worth Texas asks, “Do we really have to follow all 10 commandments? It seems like a lot.”
KK: Well yes. Yes, absolutely, it’s a 10 out of 10. You try to go ala carte on the commandments and before you know it, people will be dividing up the sins between deadly and semi-deadly. It’s a slippery slope.
HOST: We’ve reached the end of our time but we want to let you know that Pastor Darol has written a special 56-page booklet entitled “Ain’t Nobody Got Time For Sin”. For your copy write Churchy Hour Ministries, Miami Beach Florida.
The Churchy Hour is a production of Churchy Hour Ministries, copywright 2016 all rights reserved. (MUSIC )
(SFX: RIP ASS)
HOST: Heavens to Betsy Pastor!
KK: That Brisket Burger does it to me every time!
HOST: Can we light a match in here….golly that’s foul….
(SFX: match spark, rip ass, huge flame….chaos as we FADE OUT)