Yeah, I don’t believe that headline either.
Let’s start at the beginning. Kalin and I go to lunch everyday. When we go to Ken and Dale’s, they bring a bottle of Heinz Tomato Ketchup and Heinz Mustard to the table. Now…I’m not proud of this. Not proud at all. But one day at lunch, I picked up the ketchup and mustard bottles and did a little skit with them for Herr Kroheim’s amusement.
Why did I do such a silly thing, a grown man, a responsible member of the business community? Because my imagination is juvenile and fertile in equal measure. I can’t help myself. I imagine that ketchup and mustard are old time vaudvillians who have been singing and joking their way from state to state. There’s Wheeler and Woolsey, Olsen and Johnson, Ketchup and Mustard. All the greats were duos!
Eventuallly Kalin decided to shoot video of one of my little pageants on his cell phone camera. And yesterday–YESTERDAY!–we did it again. This time Kalin added some visual frippery to it and–well, wait. Here, just watch it.
Again: I am not proud. This is just an area dullard waiting for his hamburger to arrive and busying himself until such time.
However! I must note that in just over 24 hours, this stupid video has over 170,000 198,000 views…over 18,000 “hearts” (or like button or whatever you call it), over 1,700 shares and over 500 comments! Now, I’m sure that’s small potatoes in the TikTok universe…but boy, that’s about as big an audience as I’ve ever seen. I’ll confess, it’s quite a thing to experience!
But let’s get to the good stuff. I have laughed louder and longer at the comments on this video than at anything in a long time. Some are very complimentary. Some are fairly snarky. But they’re all incredibly funny and fascinating. So I’d like to share some of them with you. It helps if you watch the video, so if you tried to weasel out of that go back up the page and watch it!
Okay, did you watch it? Here are some of my favorite comments. I hope by including some of the snarky ones, you will accept that these are real and not ginned up by your humble blogger,
“he could totally do voice acting, I strongly encourage getting him to some auditions” (Sarcasm i’m fairly sure)
“The opening song was incredible” (I can’t take credit for that, see below)
“this deserves an oscar”
“Imagine sitting at the next table hearing this epic tale going on” (I must say I never considered what other diners might think about this stupidity)
“Better plot than euphoria”
“it went everywhere and no where” (This might be the most succinct summary of them all)
“Jesus Christ that took a dark turn and ran with it” (a lot of the comments referenced the “dark turn” with mustard falling off the wagon)
“This story was better than all nexflix originals”
“Ketchup is a good friend” (Indeed! Not every friend will help you get to a place to hurl!)
“I’m invested in how this all plays out for Mustard. I hope he gets well.”
“This is what the government is hiding from us”
“Someone please get this guys voice on the Simpsons!”
“what a beautiful story about unconditional friendship”
“I play with my prostate until I pass out while watching your videos”
“Put him back in the asylum” (I know this is an insult, but damn is it a good one!)
“Bro has the transatlantic accent” (This seems as good a place as any to note that the most frequently occuring reference in all 500+ comments was Terrence and Phillip of “South Park” fame. I certainly wasn’t trying to do their voices but I guess I can hear some similarity.)
“There’s somebody tied and gagged crying just behind the camera” (Kalin will get a big kick out of this one…)
Now…one final note. I mentioned earlier that I can’t take credit for the ketchup and mustard song. I liberally borrowed it from noted nightclub performers Gilbert and Solomon:
And there it is. The true life story of how dancing condiment bottles took TikTok by storm….ish.