I wrote some bridging material for a “Dr. J And Dangerous Dave Dog and Pony Show” best-of episode. As you will see, it all centers on 2017’s total solar eclipse. And we didn’t get around to it in time.
ANNCR: From Radio City in Alliance, ladies and gentlemen…Dr. J and Dangerous Dave!
(DOC and DAVE sing “Moondance” or some other appropriate song.)
DOC: Thanks everybody and welcome to our show!
DAVE: Tonight we’re proud to present our Totally Clips special.
DOC: Total eclipse? I don’t remember taping any sketches about the solar
eclipse? Matter of fact, I don’t remember taping any sketches period!
DAVE: It’s all in the spelling Doc. This is a Totally clips show because it’s totally made up of clips from previous episodes!
(SFX: audience groans and boos disapproval)
DOC: They turn on you so fast…not my idea folks! Not my idea!
DAVE: Will you settle down?
DOC: Okay, but are you sure we have the right to unload another clip show on these people?
DAVE: We haven’t done one in four years!
DOC: Well….when you put it that way….but we’re gonna do a half-hearted attempt at new bridging material like we did in the last clip show right?
DAVE: Of course!
DOC: Then on with the clips.
SKETCH
DOC: Hi, folks, Doc and Dave here, coming to you from the roof of Radio City in Alliance.
DAVE: We think this is a great place to see the solar eclipse.
DOC: No crowds….clear view. Although climbing that shaky ladder up here was no picnic.
DAVE: Joining us up here is Dr. Seymour Stein, Chief Astronomer for NASA. He was here at Radio City to tape an interview for some talk show, and we were able to book him for our show.
STEIN: You know, you people promised refreshments.
DAVE: Cool your jets Doc.
DOC: What? I didn’t say anything!
DAVE: I meant Dr. Stein. Sir can we call you Seymour just to eliminate confusion?
STEIN: I really should be addressed as Doctor…I studied for eight years. And I’m still waiting on the refreshments.
DAVE: We might have to do without the refreshments Doc.
DOC: I didn’t ask about them!
DAVE: I meant Dr. Stein!
DOC: Tell ya what, call him Doc and call me Seymour!
DAVE: Fine.
STEIN: I’m really thirsty.
DOC: I’m afraid that’ll have to wait a while…I had this big basket of sodas and chips but it was too tricky to climb up the ladder with them.
STEIN: Hrrmpphhh.
DAVE: Let’s talk eclipse! Dr. Stein, with the eclipse some 25 minutes away, what should we do to view it safely?
STEIN: At this point in time we should have our special viewing glasses handy….it is vital that they be worn from the very first moment of eclipse.
DAVE: Doc, you have the glasses right?
STEIN: You people told me you would provide glasses…
DAVE: The other Doc!
DOC: Well…now…..I know I put our viewing glasses somewhere sensible….just give me a second…
STEIN: I don’t believe this.
DOC: Yes! Of course! I tucked the glasses right into the basket of soda…and….uh…..chips.
DAVE: Which you didn’t bring up with you.
DOC: Damn.
DAVE: Folks, why don”t you listen to another classic sketch while we figure this thing out?
(SKETCH)
DAVE: Hi folks! Dangerous Dave here once again, live on location from the roof of Radio City Studios in Alliance…we’re just a few short minutes away from the total solar eclipse. Joining me is Dr. Stein, a NASA astronomer.
STEIN: Is your friend coming with the drinks…and the glasses we need to view the eclipse safely?!
DAVE: Yes…I sent him back down. He should be back any moment.
(SFX: Hesitant steps on rickety ladder)
DOC: Daaaaaaaaaave!
DAVE: Doc!
STEIN: Yes?
DOC AND DAVE: Other Doc!
STEIN: This is ridiculous.
DOC: Dave…..I’m on the ladder….but it’s really really tough trying to hold the ladder with one hand and the basket of stuff with the other!
DAVE: Can’t you ..uh….hang the basket over your neck? That would give you both hands free to hold the ladder!
DOC: Let me try that…HURRRRLLGGGHHHHHLLLLLLL…the basket is pretty heavy…HHHHHGHHHH…
DAVE: Hang it on the BACK of your neck not the front!
DOC: Oof…no…I just can’t go up this ladder with 5 20 ounce sodas, 3 bags of chips and…
STEIN: A partridge in a pear tree!
DAVE: That’s pretty funny Doc!
DOC: There’s nothing funny about this!
DAVE AND STEIN: Other Doc!
DOC: Sorry. Listen, Dave if I hurled this basket up there you think you could catch it?
DAVE: Maybe….
STEIN: That’s a bad idea! If the viewing glasses fall out our one chance at seeing a total solar eclipse is ruined!
DOC: Tell you what…I’ll put the glasses in my pocket.
DAVE: Good. Listen, don’t try to throw the whole basket up…just throw stuff up one at a time…
DOC: Okay….here come the chips…bag one….two…three….
DAVE: Got ’em all!
DOC: Okay….here comes the 6-pack of Classic Cokes!
(SFX: head bonk followed by thud)
DOC: Dave? Dave? Oh Dave?!
STEIN: You knocked him unconscious.
DOC: If I’d known I was gonna have to throw them I’d have gotten plastic bottles instead of glass ones.
STEIN: Coke does taste better in glass bottles.
DOC: You know it Doc! Uh, hey, if anyone’s listening in the control room can we roll another classic sketch while we sort all this out?
SKETCH
DOC: Doc, Doc and Dave back with you live from the roof of Radio City in Alliance. The eclipse is about to begin…
STEIN: Has your friend come around yet?
DOC: No….but taking 6 glass Coke bottles to the head probably takes a while to come out of.
DAVE: Where am I? What happened?!
DOC: You’re on the roof of our studio building. And I concussed you.
DAVE: That must be the blinding pain.
STEIN: Speaking of blinding, GET YOUR GLASSES ON!
DOC: Well folks, sorry about the totally clips show, but it was a pun we just couldn’t resist.
DAVE: So this is Dangerous Dave along with Dr. J and Dr. Stein saying thanks for listening and…
DOC AND STEIN: Goodnight everybody!
DAVE: GoodYear, Buddy Holly!
DOC: He’ll be okay, right?
STEIN: I imagine so. Might be a good idea to take him to the doctor after the eclipse.
DOC: Okay. Tell you what, you climb down the ladder and I’ll throw him down to you….
(FADE OUT on their conversation)