In 2004 my friend David Kuskie and I started doing what we call “internet radio shows”. They’re not podcasts because they are scripted and produced stories with sound effects and music.
Dave and I have done dozens of these, joined most frequently by Kalin Krohe and Jeremy Fifield. (Kalin, Jeremy and I do our own internet radio series “Sandhills Jubilee”, which Dave has guested on several times.)
One of our series, “Scare On The Air”, purports to be a showcase for old time radio thrillers. In actuality the “old” radio shows are produced from scratch. Our latest episode presents a Christmas episode of the police drama “Flatfoot Fenster.”
I wrote the script for this show as a satire of a specific program: the legendary “Dragnet” Christmas show. First done on radio, then on the black and white TV series, then on “Dragnet 1967”, the story finds cop Joe Friday and his partner on the case of a missing Baby Jesus statue from a manger:
I’m kind of a “Dragnet” nut. The 60s version is my favorite…it’s the one I saw for years on Nick at Nite. The radio version is outstanding! So I wrote this with the Dragnet Christmas show specifically in mind. I tried to add classic Dragnet elements like the comedy relief of Joe’s partner, oddball characters, and the terse narration between scenes. I also threw in a shoutout to Stan Freberg because, well, some folks call ’em so on and so forth.
In our version Kalin Krohe, doing his best monotone, plays Lou Fenster. As is the case in the paying work Herr Kroheim and I do at Radio City, the K-Man adds improvised lines and readings that add more than I can imagine. And in the “Colon Flush” commercial Kalin does a voice I’ve never heard him do before. I think he was speaking in tongues.
I play Lou’s partner Bill…my Harry Morgan voice is pretty shaky at first but I found it about a third of the way in.
Jeremy Fifield is our utility man in this show, playing the Police Chief, pawn shop owner and drunk. Mr. Kite used his many visits to Lincoln music venues to essay the part of a fellow who’s had a bit too much to drink.
Dave Kuskie plays noted voice actor Francisco Ricardo Montabon Tequila Sunrise Gomez. This is in reference to a film Dave made, and a voice he does in many of our episodes. Our interview at the end of the show also features some references to previous Scare On The Air and Dog and Pony episodes.
In closing: Yes, we are aware this Christmas special is arriving late. Or incredibly early.