(SFX: phone rings…twice…three times..)
JILL: National Weather Bureau, this is Jill, how may I direct your call?
WENTY: I would like to inquire about the possibility of weather counseling.
JILL: Weather…..counseling?
WENTY: Yes. You see, over the last few days our town has experienced 65 mile an hour wind gusts. And as a result of this I have lost 23.7% of my will to live.
JILL: Where are you calling from?
WENTY: Alliance Nebraska.
JILL: Let me look that up on my map….hmm…holy moley.
WENTY: Holey moley is right! Today I walked out of my apartment building to go to work and was unable to make any forward momentum.
JILL: I can understand your frustration.
WENTY: This is some quality weather counseling you’re offering. See, here’s the big picture. Nebraska is a state that challenges its residents to face the most horrific meteorological atrocities while bearing a smile and chuckling mildly. I’ve been living here for 27 years and I’ve consistently failed to meet this challenge.
JILL: Are you really suffering from that much weather?
WENTY: let’s see….snow, rain, hail, sleet, tornados, severe thunderstorms and..oh yeah! This windmageddon we’re in now. You name it, we got it.
JILL: I’m sure that not every kind of bad weather plagues you.
WENTY: Okay, so we don’t have hurricanes. And I’m pretty sure Nebraska has never suffered from a maelstrom.
JILL: What’s a maelstrom?
WENTY: I’m not sure. They had one at Walt Disney World. My trousers were dampened.
JILL: Honestly sir, I think you’re complaining just a bit too much. I’ve been looking at your forecast records and it seems to me that you’ve had a very mild start to winter. Exceptionally mild.
WENTY: Yeah, but you know what that means! We’ll get some kind of restitution weather. Blizzards in mid-June!
JILL: Sir…the weather doesn’t….work that way.
WENTY: Oh sure. Just know this: When I’m up to my ass in snow in July I’m gonna call you and give you such a verbal thrashing!
JILL: Sir, is there anything else I can do for you?
WENTY: Make the damn wind go away!
JILL: We’ve got a team of experts working on that as we speak.
WENTY: Well now you’re just being sarcastic.
JILL: Very observant.
(SFX: PHONE HANG UP)